yeesh. slacker. again.

Suddenly it has been busy around here... for the first time in months.  My business had been super slow.  Super slow is actually a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT.  My business dropped by half, what with the one two punch of the economy taking a swan dive and now the holidays and their requisite cancellation of appointments in favor or errand running and party planning.  A number of my clients have literally dropped off the face of the earth, hedge fund managers and investment bankers who either lost everything and are scrambling to sell their vacation home in order to have some liquidity or are camped out on wall street fighting for their livliehoods.  The rich have fallen hard hard hard, especially those who actually work in finance, and it is sad because a lot of these people are smart, honest, hardworking women who kicked ass and took names to get to where they are in a mans business.  they are not greedy fat cat ceo's at Lehman's.  they are not dishonest and it is not their fault that the economy went belly up, but main street loves to hate on them right now.  It must such to both lose everything and be vilified for it.  So they are MIA and i miss them and worry for them.

Then there is the annual trend of " oh gee, I am just so busy right now with events and shopping and traveling and why don't i just call you in January?"... as a general rule people will take any excuse not to exercise.  Luckily this also follows a trend that come January and February everone is fat and repentant and begging for a bikini worthy bod.  Sometimes my job is really pathetic.

But somehow this week things have picked up and I find myself super busy, almost overbooked.  And old client came back, and I got the referral to end all referrals from a colleague who had moved to LA and had a housecall client for me.  Said housecall wants pilates 3x a week plus an hour of massage 2x per week plus eventually her husband for pilates 2 to 3x per week.  And she lives about two blocks from the studio.  i saw her yesterday and she cut me a check for a grand... at this rate she'll burn through it in less than three weeks.  Thank the good lord.  Now I can send the IRS that quarterly tax payment AND pay Ava's tuition AND make calendars for the aunties and uncles for christmas.

Kathleen is back from tour and i have had class, which is great because dancing now feels really good.  A bit earlier it felt odd and off balance, I wasn't showing but i think things were very different electrically and hormonally and I was off kilter.  Couldn't find my legs underneath me.  Interestingly enough, now that my belly is really starting to grow dancing feels AWESOME.  It is as though i am much more in tune with the experience of it, physically and energetically.  I am more present inside my dance.  Usually I think I am so focused on performing well and executing that I forget to enjoy it completely.  This way is nice.  I hope I can take it away with me after the pregnancy is over.  In this way I can grow this year as an artist... even if it isn't my biggest year for technical achievements.  It is a good time to work on subtle energies, details, nuance.  mmmmmmmmmmm.  yummy stuff.

And when I am training i am happy.  Dancing feels good and gives me a focal point for my obsessive tendencies so that they don't just boil down into self loathing and body dismorphia.  I am so much more peaceful and grounded, and the constant self critic is quieted because I have a regular affirmation of my worth~ I am an exceptionally talented dancer.  I know that and it is real and I can taste it and breathe it and roll with it.  It completes me and defines me and makes me true.  So i feel better than I had alone a couple weeks back.