19 weeks

yup.  Weighed myself yesterday, total weight gain so far is 9 pounds.  Feeling good about that, although since we had cheesecake for dessert last night after our belated christmas dinner I feel as though I gained another five last night as i slept ;)

Christmas was nice, although Matt had to go in to cook a banquet for the Boston Celtics.  Punks.  But we had a big opening stockings/presents celebration in the morning with Irish Breakfast.  Charity and jamie and Solara came for breakfast, which was really fun.  Everybody took off at 1pm, Matt to the hotel and Charity & jamie home so Charity could work on a paper for med school.  Ava and I went to the 3pm carol service at Grace Cathedral, which was AWESOME.  It was such a small service, maybe 50 or 70 people, that they had us sit up in the choir behind the high altar and led the service up there.  Ava and I sat in a little carved wooden banquette seat where one of the bishop types usually sits.  It was so cool to be up there.  And the service was lovely... it was carol hymn singing and in between the minister read poetry, both sacred and secular that worked with the message of christmas... including two by ee cummings.  We could just call out which hymn we wanted to sing.  It was great, and I am so glad we went and I didn't just stay lazy on the couch...

Then we had a christmas dinner party last night, since Matt was off.  Charity and Jamie came.  We had shrimp and white bean bruschetta for an appetizer, salad of bitter greens with pommello and avocado in a meyer lemon vinagrette.  Entree was red snapper, cauliflower puree, and blood orange/fennel salad.  Dessert was cheesecake from Miette because I was not feeling up to baking, but I did make a meyer lemon and raspberry sauce for it.  I had big plans to make gingerbread and serve it with whipped cream and blood orange sorbet, but then I remembered the fancy cake store and pregnancy laziness took over.

I think that it's actually nice to split it up, and not have christmas dinner on christmas day.  A big, celebratory breakfast is grand fun, and comfy.  Everyone in their jammies or comfy clothes, with mugs of coffee.  Then just a long mellow day and a light early supper and maybe a movie.  Then a fancy dinner another night... we've decided that we'll do it this way from now on we liked it so well.

Matt's sister Ellen is coming out on new years day.  They decided not to mail any of their presents so christmas was actually surprisingly low key... with just presents from my family and from Sean who mailed his.  But I am sure we can expect an onslaught when Ellen arrives bearing all of their gifts...

woohoo!

T I R E D

so so tired today.  I really had to push myself through working out, and after had to have lunch NOW and then hot bath and then nap.  And now I am so sleepy and it is only 8pm...

anyways, did an hour 10 minutes of treadmill/elyptical combo.  It was super hard.  oy.  long week...

Dharma

led my practice today.  Opted to stay home and practice yoga, do laundry and have a day off rather than go to KK's last class until January 16.  That is always a bit of russian roulette kind of choice for me, since if I flake on practicing then I will self immolate about it.  But it turned out well today, did a lovely practice with Dharma's DVD... striking scorpion and open compass and hanumanasana after hanumanasana and all.  Even got to do full pranayama practice and so hum dhyana.  Pranayama for preggos that is...  was nice.

Had an appointment with Sue, first time we were all alone, since Matt was at work and Rebecca was out of town.  Got to hear baby reruns heartbeat for a moment before it dodged the doppler, sue confirmed that it does like to hang on the right side though as I was feeling... that's where we found the heartbeat until it got shy.  Sometimes at night when I lay on my back it seems like my whole uterus it over on the right half of my belly.  Baby rerun loves my right side.  That makes me wonder... is it stage left to baby?

Things are good.  17 1/2 weeks, I have gained 7 pounds.  So far I've worked out everyday this week and feel great.

Thats about all.

cold

it's very cold here this week.  apparently we got the storm that froze New Hampshire solid and left one million people with no power.  Out here is has translated to the low 40's and RAIN.  making for damp, seeping, bone chilling cold.   Although they are stoked in Tahoe, they have 3 feet of snow and still falling.

Speaking of Tahoe, Rose's man finally proposed to her a month or so ago and they are planning a wedding for august.  So happy for her, and can't wait to attend.  Am curious whether they will be walking down the aisle, or riding motorcross...  hella, bro.

Today I am pretty tired.  I was up at 6 to get to a 7am housecall.  But I went for a 30 minute walk outside after, because it got sunny briefly and was brisk and bright and fresh and lovely to walk in.  Invigorating.  Then I had 2 clients and did a 45 minute fast treadmill walk.  I did not have intervals or elyptical in me today.  I stretched after for about 30 minutes.  Then I still had time for lunch and a nap before getting bunny.

Tomorrow is KK's last class for awhile.  She'll be back in January.  And then I have a midwife appointment with Sue Baelen at 1pm.  I love her.  She is like a goddess teddy bear.  Big love she's working, that lady.  She makes me feel safe and good and warm and fuzzy when she's here.  I am so glad she is going to help me have my baby.  What a gift.

happy monday

today was a nice day.  almost like a day off, really, since I only taught from 7:30 to 9am... then I got to workout, then go to the dentist which believe it or not was fun because I haven't gone in so long and now I don't have to live in fear that all my teeth are going to fall out of my head.  Then I had a nice lunch, went and bought maternity jeans which cost too much but look hot which matters WAY WAY more right about now, then had time to do a Dharma Yoga level 2 practice before I picked up Ava at school.  Overall it just felt relaxing and like I had a lot of time for myself, i guess becuase i finished work so early and got my workout in so early too. I think that is the way... because as the day goes on i get more and more tired and lazy and i tend to be less motivated.  But it is essential because I feel 100 times better and due to my whole dismorphia issue I also look like an entirely different person, to my own crazy self anyhow.

So yeah, to keep track, I did a 60 minute cardio workout on threadmill... walk/incline/walk/run intervals for 60 minutes then a five minute cooldown walk.  Then I stretched and did Pincha Mayurasana to see that I still can and YES, WE CAN.  Then DMY level II later in the day, all the way through except dhanurasana and shalabasana obviously.  Feel good.

17 weeks

yup.  So baby rerun is now calcifying it's little cartilage skeleton, developing sweat glands and weighing in at 5 oz.... or roughly the size of a turnip, sayeth babycenter.  I like imagining that i have a turnip growing inside my body.  how funny.

committing to working out EVERY day, so as to prevent craziness and dysmorphia from ruling my life.  Today I did 70 minutes of cardio (elyptical & treadmill) then 45 minutes of pilates.  Planning to stretch this evening during tv time after dinner.  I am going to try to post on here every day about what I did so I can keep track of my consistency.

Yesterday Ava and I went to see ODC Dance do their annual holiday show, the velveteen rabbit.  It was actually really fun to get fancy and go to a peformance.  Then we went out to lunch and walked around and looked at downtown displays.  It was a special day with my girl.  Sometimes I am so practical and businesslike about parenting, it's good to make it more fun and sparkly.

nappies

Is such a cuter thing to say than Diapers, isn't it?  Those Charming, charming Brits...  I just ordered these from here:

http://stores.ebay.com/Coolababy2008

I got 12 of the multicolored regular ones with 24 inserts, and 16 of the fleece ones in yellow and white stripes with 16 inserts.  I am excited.  Should be pretty easy to wash and much cheaper than the diaper service, which is like $75 a week.  Even when I factor in that I have to put quarters in to wash and dry, so each load is $2.50 until we buy a place with a washer dryer of our own.

Other than a new infant car seat which can attach to our stroller this is the only baby stuff i intend to buy.  Annie put new motor and pump parts into my breast pump, so it is like new.  I guess i might need some glass bottles  and my own ergo baby carrier.  But that's it man.

yeesh. slacker. again.

Suddenly it has been busy around here... for the first time in months.  My business had been super slow.  Super slow is actually a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT.  My business dropped by half, what with the one two punch of the economy taking a swan dive and now the holidays and their requisite cancellation of appointments in favor or errand running and party planning.  A number of my clients have literally dropped off the face of the earth, hedge fund managers and investment bankers who either lost everything and are scrambling to sell their vacation home in order to have some liquidity or are camped out on wall street fighting for their livliehoods.  The rich have fallen hard hard hard, especially those who actually work in finance, and it is sad because a lot of these people are smart, honest, hardworking women who kicked ass and took names to get to where they are in a mans business.  they are not greedy fat cat ceo's at Lehman's.  they are not dishonest and it is not their fault that the economy went belly up, but main street loves to hate on them right now.  It must such to both lose everything and be vilified for it.  So they are MIA and i miss them and worry for them.

Then there is the annual trend of " oh gee, I am just so busy right now with events and shopping and traveling and why don't i just call you in January?"... as a general rule people will take any excuse not to exercise.  Luckily this also follows a trend that come January and February everone is fat and repentant and begging for a bikini worthy bod.  Sometimes my job is really pathetic.

But somehow this week things have picked up and I find myself super busy, almost overbooked.  And old client came back, and I got the referral to end all referrals from a colleague who had moved to LA and had a housecall client for me.  Said housecall wants pilates 3x a week plus an hour of massage 2x per week plus eventually her husband for pilates 2 to 3x per week.  And she lives about two blocks from the studio.  i saw her yesterday and she cut me a check for a grand... at this rate she'll burn through it in less than three weeks.  Thank the good lord.  Now I can send the IRS that quarterly tax payment AND pay Ava's tuition AND make calendars for the aunties and uncles for christmas.

Kathleen is back from tour and i have had class, which is great because dancing now feels really good.  A bit earlier it felt odd and off balance, I wasn't showing but i think things were very different electrically and hormonally and I was off kilter.  Couldn't find my legs underneath me.  Interestingly enough, now that my belly is really starting to grow dancing feels AWESOME.  It is as though i am much more in tune with the experience of it, physically and energetically.  I am more present inside my dance.  Usually I think I am so focused on performing well and executing that I forget to enjoy it completely.  This way is nice.  I hope I can take it away with me after the pregnancy is over.  In this way I can grow this year as an artist... even if it isn't my biggest year for technical achievements.  It is a good time to work on subtle energies, details, nuance.  mmmmmmmmmmm.  yummy stuff.

And when I am training i am happy.  Dancing feels good and gives me a focal point for my obsessive tendencies so that they don't just boil down into self loathing and body dismorphia.  I am so much more peaceful and grounded, and the constant self critic is quieted because I have a regular affirmation of my worth~ I am an exceptionally talented dancer.  I know that and it is real and I can taste it and breathe it and roll with it.  It completes me and defines me and makes me true.  So i feel better than I had alone a couple weeks back.