things to work on in order to be a better parent, or, a better person while parenting

When you get right down to it, what I want most for Ava is that she be joyful, exuberant and full of life.  That she bloom into the fullest expression of herself.  That she have the confidence to follow her inner compass and believe in herself.

Therefore, how can I shape my interactions with her so that I do not diminish her?  

~ remember that it is more important that she be happy and feel loved than it is that she is tidy or has good table manners (yeesh)

~ things do not always have to be done my way.  why should they?  allow her to find her own way sometimes.  

~ I are not always right, just because I am the grownup.  quite often, in fact, I am wrong.  admit it when you are wrong.

~ don't be a bully.  she needs me to cut her a little slack and not be so bossy all the time.  quit nagging.

~ be aware of what you say.  make certain it is: KIND, TRUE and NECESSARY.  if not, bite your tongue.

~ I know how to push her buttons and set her off, so why do it?  she hates when i nag her, i know that.  i should back off and save my input for when it really matters.  ask yourself, what is the worst that could happen here?  example... she is not drinking her milk.  well, the worst is that she will be thirsty and eventually drink something.  oh well.  or, she is eating with her hands, again.  the worst is that she gets messy.  it is highly unlikely that she will grow up to be an adult who plays with her food and eats with her hands.  but she could grow up to be an adult who feels like her mother was nothing but a grumpy, bossy and no fun lady who constantly rained on her parade.  which is worse?  duh.

~ don't be mean.  don't curse at her, no matter how frustrated you are.  that is never an ok way to speak to your little girl.  your language matters.  never speak to her in a hateful way.  she deserves your respect always, your kindness and your patience.  PERIOD.

Most of all, just enjoy her.  be spacious and allow her to grow.  We are so lucky to be on this journey together with her.  I am not supposed to shape her.  I am supposed to build her up inside, so she can take whatever shape she likes.

OM

24 weeks

138 pounds.... thats 15 pounds total.  Still dancing but it is harder.  Las week I felt like shit in class but I figured out that A) i was overtraining by doing cardio on the days I was not dancing.  being pregnant seems to definitely reduce athletic recovery, especially since I cannot eat many carbohydrates.  I was so fatigued, I literally think I had NO ATP in my muscles at all. and B) i was not eating enough before class, so now I have been having a bigger breakfast early and then having a big snack in the hour before class.  magic!  no dizzy, woozy, wimpy dancing.

so we learn and on we go.  ever the scientist, it seems, testing and retesting the progress and changes that come with this wacky experience called pregnancy.  i am back on a week of 4x a day glucose tesing, since this is the week they normally scan people.  figured i would check in and see if my diet is still where it needs to be.  I am finding that so far, all is well.  I am drinking a full quart of infusion now a day both to help avoid varicosities (the oatstraw does that) and help regulate the glucose metabolism (the dandelion leaf and nettle do that, so sayeth 'herbal wisdom for the childbearing year').  Speaking of... should have some now!

Mellecio from the Joe Goode Performance Group came to class yesterday.  We danced together and we kicked ass.  I think maybe I'll pursue Joe Goode again a little bit after I have the bebe.  I am a much better dancer now than three years ago last time I took his workshop.  Maybe I will see about going to class there sometimes next fall, and doing their winter workshop.

la la la... supposed to rain tomorrow which is good.  we are seriously, dramatically, no fucking joke in a major drought.  3 years in and we are having a 70 degree and sunshine January.  they say that even if it rains nonstop through the end of march we won't restore appreciable levels to normal.  which means terrible wildfires, more tree loss in the sierras, higher food prices and agricultural shortages and most likely water rationing.  yeeks!

ok

xoxo

Sorry, it's been awhile

Last monday we found a mold infestation in our bedroom.  LONG STORY.  Basically it stems from the drafty windows and lack of adequate heat creating cold and condensation, mold's favorite things.  It covered the wall of bay windows floor to ceiling, and wend all along the north wal behind the book case and the dressers.  the back of the dressers were covered, and the entire right side of the closet.  In the closet it took out Matt's wool winter overcoat, all our luggage and a number of random items.  The other things we took to dry cleaning, some with mold and some without.  It did not get my wedding gown or the evening gown I wore in Michelle's wedding... THANK GOD.

Anyways, it has been a wild couple weeks of negotiating with the property management to get them to take care of it, and take care of us in the process.  Tomorrow we will be moving to a hotel for two days while the repaint with special mold resistant material.  Next week they will be replacing all the windows in the bedroom and the living room with modern windows that both open and seal... how about that?  Now we won't have to pay to heat the whole city with the little gas heater on the wall because the windows won't have 1/4 inch gaps around the sills.

But to get them to pay for our damaged stuff we would have to take them to court.  which we may well do, since we have to replace our mattress to the tune of $1000.  Ah well, atleast we'll have a newly refurbished bedroom out of the deal.

So I had a midwife appt. today. Lovely as always.  I am 21 and a half weeks, I have gained 12 pounds.  On sunday I saw the baby moving from the outside for the first time, and Matt got to see it too.  Fun for him for sure.  He swears that Ava didn't move that much this early, so apparently this one is our monkey.

that's all.